My personal experience of being possessed.




The first stage.



In my early thirties, I moved from the city to the countryside, I purchased a cottage set in a beautiful wooded Valley. Every time I walked through the wood my heart seemed to open and connect directly with the energy of this place, I began to suspect I was connecting with something far more important and concrete than the mere beauty of my surroundings. Living with such stunning beauty engendered truly deep happiness within me. And I'd started to ask new questions of myself, to find answers I realised I had to look within.


As a form of meditation, every night for a number of weeks I'd gaze towards the moon, with my eyes almost completely close only allowing a small amount of moon light to reach my retinas.


After a few moments faces and torsos would appear in my mind, just as if I was seeing them for real, through smoke or fog, some of the faces were extraordinarily beautiful, others hideous or just strange, most distorted by the experience of pain and hardship. Over time I had noticed if I focused just beyond the faces, I would see strange twisted sometimes pornographic images. These were of bodies realing around, individually, in pairs, and larger groups, and beyond them light, beautiful calm light. For two or three nights I had attempted pushing through to this light assuming my mind would conjure new amusements.



At this stage I must refrain from going into details of how I was able to push through, in case youngsters or the foolish attempt to retrace my steps.



However, this particular night I realised my goal. I took my first steps upon a path that would lead to possession and near madness, fear then fearlessness, and ultimately healing and contentment.


I peered deep into the light, finally I began to discern slight texture. I rushed towards it, the disappointment of previous nights attempts overwhelmingly me, driving me on.


Suddenly the texture took on the form of a tunnel some twelve or fifteen feet in diameter, I plunged onwards. At first it was hard going, as if I was pushing against an invisible rubber membrane. Then I was through, gathering speed the sides of the tunnel flashed by, the tunnel itself seemed to heave and undulate as if vomiting me forward. When I was forced close to the sides by the undulations, the wall appeared to be formed of a closely woven lattice of multihued pulsing light. From the centre all detail merged into an opaline smoothness of rich mostly pastel, though occasionally vivid coloured light. Periodically I would be plunged through masses of glutinous dark grey brown matter, the force of my passage would fling the matter at the sides of the tunnel, looking back I could see the matter staining the sides of the tunnel and quickly passing through or being absorbed by the walls.


After what seemed like miles, I'd become aware of my body as one is when floating in warm water, I thought at the time my mind had reformed a body from habit. I later realised having lost the physical body I was now experiencing the more subtle bodies the Indian scholars talk about. I began to catch glimpses of a round blackness. I had continued to gain momentum and was now travelling at tremendous speed, if the blackness was the end of the tunnel and was solid, and it looked like it. Would I smash into it like a moth on a windscreen? Could I feel pain? I reached out to the side of the tunnel, searing pain was my answer. I had to slow down! Up to this time I had been travelling headfirst, now I began to turn my body in the hope of using it as a windbreak, but this was to no avail. I tried willing myself to slow, it worked! With only a few hundred metres to go I was slowing, I came to a halt at the very end of the tunnel floating spreadeagled.


What I had thought was solid black was completely and utterly different. I looked out upon a whole galaxy of stars. For what seemed like hours I gazed around in total awe at the majesty of this vista.


I knew to my very core that this galaxy was mine. That it was me. That this was where I belonged, where I came from and where I'd return. I also knew, if I hadn't deliberately slowed down, and I had continued on out of the tunnel into the universe, I probably would not have been able to find my way back, and therefore I would have died.



Something called me, a deep yearning almost like a hunger urged me on.




One more step, that's all.




One more step.




Leave the tunnel and into the galaxy. No need of a body, pure mind, freedom. New understanding flooded my awareness like adrenaline pumping into my bloodstream. There is no death, merely changes of perception. My frail body lay somewhere out there on a small planet orbiting an insignificant yellow star. Just one of countless billions, I wasn't alone out here, wherever I cast my mind I met with intelligence! This galaxy our galaxy abounds with intelligence.


I suddenly realised I was out in the galaxy, but at the same time I knew a part of me, my etheric and astral bodies waited at the entrance to the tunnel and were acting like a bridge between my physical and the most subtle bodies, I was now experiencing through. And if I took the next and final step I would sever all links and leave behind both my etheric and astral bodies, as well as my physical body. And if I did so, physically I would be dead.



My god I thought, we live in a soup of intelligence.



Some intelligences were devastatingly strange, others seemingly so terribly evil my mind cringed away, others radiated love to a degree I wanted to melt into it, still others seemed achingly familiar. Just as life fills every part of our planet, life fills the universe and just as life on Earth is incredibly diverse so it is in the universe, but that I felt was to be expected. What I was unprepared for was the non-incarnate the non-physical intelligence. The galaxy of physical matter seemed like a thin smear upon the greater reality of spirit. I knew all great religions on earth recognised at some level the existence of angels, and that many societies all over the world recognised non-incarnate energy in the form of divas, fairies and so forth. But the shock of encountering so many diverse forms of intelligent energy made my mind reel.


So it was from within the universe, without the filters imposed upon me by my physical body, that I was able to perceive the multitudes of spirit, from the life that vivifies each part of a single atom to the intelligence that outshines the star it inhabits. And beyond that, the one all enveloping intelligence that all seemingly separate intelligences where a part of.



One more step to rejoin it, part of me screamed.



I'd been taught in Sunday School, not a single bird falls dead from a tree that God is not aware of it, my Sunday School teacher was correct, though not for the reasons she thought. I now knew the bird is God and God is the bird.



One more step to rejoin God consciously. Why am I hesitating? One more step to sever the last links with my body. Then why did I choose a body in the first place?



One more step to re-know everything. I'd been here before so why did I choose to forget? Why am I giving myself a second opportunity to choose?



One more step. Take it.



Why did I choose to be born and die over and over time and again?



I knew this was not a dream! If I took that final step, my body would simply die. I would exist for eternity in this place and become a conscious part of God, already I was starting to meld with God to lose my sense of separation.


The concept of God I had been taught both at home and school (and had rejected) now seemed far too restrictive. As I thought about God I realised that even though I had been raised within the most gentle form of Christianity, the Quaker church. I had still picked up the ideas that I needed to earn God's forgiveness that I was separate from God. That God had a sex, he was a man, seemingly with all the frailties, viciousness, jealousies and other negative emotions of a man. Now as I began to meld with God the whole universe, I realised I never was, nor could ever be separate, and nor can anything or anybody else.


I knew to my core, even the seemingly terrible and evil energies I could touch at this moment with my mind, were part of God, I knew all that had happened was they had forgotten they are God, as I had forgotten I was part of God. As most of us have, which allows us to wage war, to know that a huge number of us suffer starvation, slavery, disease, and all the other horrors we see each day on TV, and yet do nothing about. The Evil, the Demons any horror you choose to name, they were there, with us, no more aware than them. Although I still don't reject the concept entirely, I personally encountered no overriding controlling negative energy or entity, one might call the devil, unimaginably powerful negative forces yes, but they all seemed separate and alone in their vile hate.



I began to understand why some people call God the original thought.



Torn between the last remnants of the physical and the hitherto unimaginable vastness of the original thought, I agonised over my choice. I now knew reincarnation was not a fanciful idea, rather it is the bedrock of the system by which a portion of God experiences what we know as space and time, and that space and time is only one small part of how God experiences.


Whether my body ended now or in 50 years was largely unimportant but I had previously chosen to live this life to experience on behalf of God, a rich fulfilling life, knowing my new understanding of God and my glimpse of the greater reality would never leave me, and that ultimately I would return to become a fully conscious part of God I decided to return to my body. The decision made, I fell backwards towards the tunel, entering it I fell uncontrolled smashing into the sides, tumbling, spinning backwards at increasing speed.



Finally I reached the end of the tunnel. As if I had fallen in the last twenty feet onto concrete, I slammed into my physical body.



Silence, no sound of blood circulating in my ears, no heartbeat in my chest. I knew my body was dead, perhaps it had been from the moment I entered the tunnel. With a tremendous effort of will I told my heart to beat. Nothing I tried again Then thump, I dragged air into my resisting lungs, thump, thump another breath, more irregular heartbeats, a few more false starts, and eventually I was breathing normally.



I was back. Though, did I return alone?



Stunned my mind reeled, I lay looking at the moon attempting to make sense of all I had experienced. I felt almost like an observer as I watched my mind place various parts of my experience in disperate compartments of my memory, some for easy everyday recall, others buried deep, only to be doled out when future experience demanded explanations. Eventually sleep must have taken me, when I looked again for the moon, I found daylight.



The second stage.



It was after this experience my life unsurprisingly began to change, I'd had an experience that not only changed the way I thought about the universe and everything in it. But also how I physically viewed the world, my physical eyes had not changed, but something beyond normal vision had begun. Many readers will think this was just a dream, and in all honesty it could have been, but something had changed profoundly, and not just psychologically. Others might say I'm mad, and again, I could be, but if so I join the ranks of millions who have gone before me, and those that live today who also see energy.


I and on a number of occasions others, would see bright flashes of white light. We'd see them from the corner of our eyes, we'd spin around only to find nothing out of the ordinary. Sometimes I'd see a flash, spin around nothing! Another flash spin again nothing, and spin again and again, this could go on for as long as I was willing to play the game. Eventually I decided to get to the bottom of this, I suspected these flashes were something to do with plant elementals so I sat down upon the path in front of a rose bush, which at this time was giving off a single bloom just beginning to open.


I closed my eyes doing my best to clear my mind of all thoughts, I knew of the concept of the third eye, and hypothesised that it was through the third eye that I had begun to perceive in a new fashion. I imagined it opening just like my physical eyes perhaps twenty minutes later I saw something in my mind a flash of green and blue in a spiral shape. As soon as my mind registered it, it was gone. Realising it was because I had become excited and begun to think rather than just observe I composed myself once more and started again. A few minutes later I started to perceive the green and blue light, suddenly before me appeared two spirals of pulsing green blue light, at the top of the spiral the light fanned out where the physical flowers sat, I watched energy moving up and down the spirals some moving into the fan and out fading away. Around the base of the spirals a number of small vortexes moved to and fro for all the world like little dust devils, except near the top of the cone of each vortex too little spurts of energy were coming off at a slight angle. Somehow I knew straight away what I was perceiving, I was perceiving in the green blue light the essence of the plant itself, as for the vortexes, these were what many people call fairies, and it was the fairies who produced the flashing lights to attract my attention. No wonder when children see them, with innocent perception, they cloth the little vortexes in the shape of a human being with wings. But this was the least of what I ultimately came to perceive.



The third stage.



The more I perceived of the hidden world around me, the more I tried to open myself up to it, I continually attempted to access the tunnel again, to no avail, I tried hallucinogenic drugs in large quantities, but realised no real experience came through them. Although they did have one unexpected effect, and that was to damage my subtle energy body, but I only came to realise this in hindsight. Even if I hadn't brought back the possessing energy with me. I now know this damage, my ego, and my efforts to open myself up to the hidden realms, eventually lead to me attracting the energy that ultimately possessed me, and if I had brought it back with me the damage simply made it much easier.


I now know, that even at this early stage the possessing energy was close by, attempting to influence me, my actions, and my thought processes. But time passed, I was living in a wonderful place, making wonderful friends living a wonderful life. Someone had given me a book about pendulum dowsing, three or four years after I travelled the tunnel, I chose to read it.


The results I achieved from dowsing were shockingly accurate. This led me towards further research regarding human potential. I devoured books on diverse subjects from psychology to hands on healing. Whatever I read I seemed to understand instantly as if my brain itself was changed. I began to experiment with deliberately passing energy through my body, and then into others. One night I had friends round to dinner, around the table I asked everybody to join hands, I sent a stream of energy from my core up into my shoulders down through my arms and hands, the person sitting directly opposite to me was thrown against the back of his chair, breaking the collective connection, although he was shocked, he had a huge beaming smile upon his face, and said, my God that's the most pleasurable thing I've ever felt in my life.


Up to then only I had felt this immense energy, having passed it through others and having third-party confirmation that it was real, I redoubled my efforts in both my research and my application of the energy. About this time I also started to be physically rewarded with wonderful physical sensations, every time I had a realisation of what I thought at the time was, of profound significance. These rewards came in the form of a warm and extremely pleasurable sensation starting at the base of my spine, then moving upwards gaining in heat and intensity of pleasure until it reached my brain and exploded outward through my whole body, in what I can only describe as 1000 fold strength orgasm.



The fourth stage.



Quickly I became addicted to the rewards, and I'd do anything to achieve more and more. I began to sink deeper and deeper within myself, I stopped eating almost entirely, when I needed sustenance, I simply sucked energy into my body from all around me. Whilst my thought processes seemed to be crystal clear and logical to me at the time, in hindsight it was obvious I was making terrible decisions, my friends were avoiding me, and every other aspect of my life was deteriorating. But I had my energetic rewards, I didn't need others, a sly knowing of my own importance and superiority was creeping upon me.



Many extraordinary things happened during this period but I will recount just one.



I have always loved to watch thunder and lightning storms from the comfort of a warm room, I decided to see if I could create a storm. On a beautiful sunny day I lit a huge fire in the wood burning stove in the cottage, I opened the front door and placed a chair in a position where I could both feel the heat from the fire, and see the sky above the wood. I sat and concentrated, in under fifteen minutes the temperature had dropped dramatically, the sky became black with dark pregnant clouds, as the rain then thunder and lightning came, I basked in my storm creating abilities. The energetic rewards coming thick and fast.



The fifth stage.



Shortly after I heard a very famous pop singer had died, it suddenly struck me that this was my fate also, I knew I would soon die, it seemed to be all part of the plan! I wasn't afraid I looked forward to it, and if it didn't come soon, I'd simply step out of my body once more. Looking back I now see this was the point the possessing energy finally had as much control over me as it would ever achieve.


By this time I had lived at the cottage for nearly 5 years, I'd travelled through the tunnel a year or so after moving in, almost 4 years later I picked up the pendulum for the first time, three months later I was possessed as it's possible to be. There was still a small completely sane and separate part of me, buried deep, screaming for attention, but I chose to stifle its voice.


Many of the books I had been reading in the three months since starting to use the pendulum, came from a particular bookstore, shortly after the storm incident I engaged the bookshop owner in conversation. I discovered later she was a healer, no doubt because of this she recognised there was something profoundly wrong with me energetically. I'm absolutely certain that had I gone to a doctor during this period I would now be in a mental institution or more probably dead. But the bookshop owner was very wise, she advised me to go and meet some interesting people at a particular place nearby, who she said would be able to help me develop my abilities further. If she'd told me I needed help and made well, I have no doubt I would have refused to have anything to do with the people who ultimately helped me.


I went straight from the bookshop to the place she told me of, and was received with warmth and kindness, I was listened to and shown the utmost respect, a number of times during my hour-long conversation with a representative of the staff, he excused himself, to try and find someone he thought may be able to help me more significantly than himself. In the end it was arranged that I should come back at seven o'clock that evening.


From the bookshop to the healing centre was just a few minutes drive, and I had no trouble finding it whatsoever. From my home to the healing centre was a drive of about forty minutes, I left in good time, full of confidence, convinced I would be received like a long lost returning hero. Three hours it took me to find the centre, finally on umpteenth drive through a particular road I found it. I now feel the possessing energy was determined that I should not meet the people who would ultimately removed it from me.


I arrived about nine o'clock two hours late, still I was received with warmth and kindness, and was encouraged, to tell my story of what had happened over the previous month. Telling the person who would ultimately become my saviour everything. How it started, how I discovered what at the time I thought of as my powers, how they had increased, and what I could now achieve. After listening to me for about 45 minutes, he started to hint at what may have happened to me.I know now my saviour was slowly pushing the possessing energy away from me and he was now preventing it from affecting me completely. For the first time in perhaps two months, mostly I alone was doing the thinking. I had told him about the physical rewards, and he focused upon this as he attempted to persuade me that I was being influenced by something other than myself. In my arrogance, I found it difficult to let go of the idea that it was me alone who could perform these amazing feats. Though he persevered with utmost patience and kindness, until eventually I caved in and accepted everything he had told me.


I was destroyed, the months of starvation had taken its toll upon my body, I was physically weak and without being able to pull in energy from around me, I was exhausted. Without the possessing energy's influence upon my mind, it was a struggle to even think coherently. Only after I had reached rock bottom, and totally accepted the truth of his words did he give me any hope at all. He began to explain, that the talents I had displayed were in fact my own talents, the possessing energy had enabled me to access them, to use them, and abuse them. He assured me if I was willing to let the possessing energy go, he could then remove the possessing energy. And I could slowly over perhaps many years redevelop them naturally and safely, and in the end I would be able to use them to help others.



Finally I gave him permission to break the simbiotic link between myself and the possessing energy.



He explained this was a delicate and potentially dangerous undertaking, not so much for myself but for him, he called a colleague to protect him energetically whilst he performed the separation (exorcism). The whole extraction procedure took less than five minutes. I was instantly transformed. Though I was mentally and physically exhausted, I was myself again!


I was told later by friends, that they thought I had gone quite mad, some people guessing I was schizophrenic, others bipolar. I have no doubt if I had ended up in the hands of the medical profession I would have been diagnosed as schizophrenic. Over the last 17 years I have not displayed any signs of mental illness, eccentricity perhaps but then I think most people who knew me before and after would suggest I'm just the way I have always been.


The physical recovery process took a few months, and I have to admit I was somewhat psychologically fragile for months. As I gained in physical strength I became stronger mentally and emotionally also, and on the advice of my now friend, and saviour, I began to train with others and alone developing my talents which I now use exclusively to help others.


As my friend and saviour had promised the talents I had abused during a possession started to come back to me with the training I undertook. It started slowly at first and now some 17 years later I've regained much of what I had during those three months. Personally I believe anybody can develop these talents few will have the perseverance to hone them completely, but everybody can do amazing things at some level.


Even the control of the weather it is not beyond us, personally I have never tried to create a storm again, but on occasions I have desperately wanted to ensure a sunny day for a special occasion, though however many times I do this it's meaningless it could always be put down to coincidence, and that's fine by me. But there is something anybody who is willing to devote five or ten minutes of deep concentration can do for themselves, to prove that human beings can have an impact on the weather.


On a clear day when there are only a few clouds in the sky, sit or lay looking at the sky, pick a small fluffy cloud, concentrate all of your mind and tell the cloud to disappear or dissolve, in a few moments you'll notice it simply melting away. To convince yourself that it's not a coincidence pick another and dissolve that one also, then another and another until you know you can do it at will. Anybody can do this, but I've never found anybody who could explain scientifically how!


Return to top of page